I give up

I really feel like I've been pushing a rock uphill that slides back down every time I stop. I get an e-mail from daughter's English teacher yesterday. The big project, the rough draft of the term paper that I grounded her for so that she would do the work, and which she appeared to actually be working on, was never handed in. I don't understand it. I saw the work on her computer, we discussed the actual content of it, she gave me progress reports. Told me she e-mailed it to teacher and had an extra copy on her memory stick in case it didn't get through. I think she actually put the work into it, so what the hell happened? How could she do this to herself? What goes through her mind? Every time I try to cut her some slack, give her some respect, and not demand to actually see her homework, she takes advantage of that. I am such a chump. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe what she says, but again and again I find out that I've been lied to. I talked to her about learning to get herself up in the morning a while back, and she tried, but soon stopped or stopped hearing the alarm. So she ends up late for class, and has accumulated enough of these to get no credit for the class. We went through the same thing last year, and she barely scraped by with that one. I don't think there's anything more I can do about that this time, and I really don't care at this point. She might fail this class or not get credit for it, in which case she won't graduate this June. She claims she is doing fine (she doesn't know that I know what I know), and if not she'll make it up in some summer class. Good luck if she can. I talked to her last night - what does she want and how is she going to get it? She thinks she will graduate and wants to apply to 7 colleges. Why bother, I asked? Your grades aren't going to allow it. She has been told by "many people" that she could get in to these art schools on the strength of her art work (many only need a C average and no SAT). I told her at 17 she needs to take all the responsibility for what happens next and that if she's not a full time student she can't be on my insurance for health or car (I think that's true). Is she trying to fail so I'll let her drop out? Not going to happen. Indignant denial. She thinks everything will turn out fine. I hope so, but I'm done pushing. I guess I have been much too easy on her for longer than I should have. I am angry, I feel used and taken advantage of. This morning she got herself up much earlier than usual and made herself a cup of tea. Something got through, at least temporarily. But I think this English class is still fucked.

Went to Boy's chorus concert at the middle school last night. Not bad, but that auditorium has the world's most uncomfortable seats. At least this year's teacher taught the kids some harmony, and a few kids actually played piano. It has always been adults in the past. Caught Boy yawning in the middle of a song, hee hee. His voice has lowered and it cracked as I talked to him on the phone after school today. Stop making fun of me, mom! Of course nearly-ex was there and had some questions about divorce settlement document, wanted reassurance that no matter how the lawyers worded it I wasn't planning to screw him for excess money. Ha. He's the one getting half my money, and he's worried because his lawyer interpreted the paragraph about my stock options (pitiful as they are) as him having to pay half if I cash them in. My lawyer interpreted the same thing as him having to pay half the tax on the proceeds, but that didn't make sense to me. Either way he's not going to ask for the money (earmarked for college) and I'm not going to ask him to pay anything when/if I cash them in. I hoped I could find a graceful way to not sit with him, but he followed me in and I'm too polite to tell him to bugger off. Afterwards he took Boy out for a burger, then dropped him off with a Christmas present for me. WTF! I have no intention of getting him anything - I have resented it for years, considering how much stuff he already had. Idiot. He thinks we're still friends but I would be delighted never to see him again. While the kids are still minors I will be polite to him, but I'm so glad he's out of the house.

Speaking of the house, I am getting estimates for having the support beams shored up and maybe waterproofing done so I can sell this pile of crap. Had to shut teenager cat in my room to keep him from joining the contractor under the house. It's not easy finding someone who can do this without recommendations. I found a few on the web and arranged to have them check things out, but I wish I knew someone local. I suppose when I decide to have the work done I'll need to learn about permits and how to acquire them. Gotta keep all the receipts - when the house sells I get all that paid back before we split the rest.

I arted! I haven't done any drawing or painting for a long time, but I made a picture for my boss - I drew her with crow quill and India ink as an 8-armed Indian goddess, but carrying lab equipment in all hands and riding a giant white mouse, then painted it. It turned out great, and it turned out I based it on one of her favorite goddesses, Durga, who give strength to women but rides a tiger instead of a Balb/C lab mouse with pink eyes. The whole time I was working with the ink and paint the small beast was vying for my attention - climbing on the dollhouse roof, rattling papers, sitting in front of the TV, then purring like thunder when I picked him up to throw him out of the room.

Sorry to whine like this, but I have been fuming since yesterday over that e-mail. That's not even half of what was in it, but that's for another day. Gotta go out for groceries now - I love having a weekday to do it. No crowds.