Merry merry!

Hope all of you have/had a great day and that Santa didn't abuse your credit cards too much. Kids and I had a lovely morning opening presents which appeared to be wanted, relevant, and appreciated. I made them cinnamon rolls from a tube, which smelled divine, and had some gruel myself (Bob's Mighty Tasty Gluten-Free Hot Cereal - how can it not be good?). Eventually they got dressed and ready and their dad came to pick them up and take them to visit their grands. Girlchild drove separately with boyfriend, probably the longest drive she has done, so that they could leave early and spend the rest of the day with his family. At least I had her for the morning. I went to see "Sweeney Todd", which I saw on Broadway in 1980. I just love the music - it gives me chills. Nothing like a cinema bloodbath to complete your Christmas. But it was pretty good, even with the amateur singers.

It was our first Christmas without dad, which seemed to suit everyone fine, but some traditions needed updating. For the first time we didn't leave out cookies for Santa. Instead of dad reading "The night before Christmas" to boy last night like his dad did for him (till what age, I wonder?) he called and Boy read it to him since he didn't have a copy and I guess the Internet was out of them. I picked up a Bible to see if there was any nativity story any different from what Linus quotes in the Charlie Brown Christmas special, and there wasn't, but as I idly thumbed through I found some peculiar stuff. I had Boy read the part in Job about Leviathan, which has to be bad translation, and we debated whether the writer was describing an alien submarine that he mistook for a whale, and I read them some of the dietary restrictions in Leviticus (what do you mean we can eat beetles but not weasel?) and how you should be put to death for cursing your parents among other rules. We decided we are glad not to be fundamentalists.

I planned to make lasagna today, but no GF noodles (my mental inventory software needs an upgrade) so I will try to make stuffed shells instead. The last box of the big GF shells was mostly pieces of shells, so I made lumps of filling and covered them lovingly with piles of broken pasta and it tasted fine. That's probably what I will do today, just for Boy and I. I invited ex but he declined. Maybe he's miffed I didn't get him anything for Christmas. Once he gets a couple hundred thousand dollars from my 401k and pension he can buy his own, poor thing. He got me a box of GF stuff - bread mixes etc. It's the least he could do, and never let it be said he didn't do the least he could do. But enough cynicism, it's Christmas!

And boy's new iPod doesn't work - iTunes says it's corrupted. Spent the last hour or so online trying to find out why it was formatted for Windows, which apparently is not the problem and should work fine. So now I get to drive to King of Prussia tomorrow to have a Mac doctor look at it. I went for the free engraving, so I can't return it. Grrrr. Also have to pack tomorrow for the big trip and make sure everyone has all their tiny toiletries in the quart ziploc bags and everyone's various pills are packed and every has chargers for various electronics. Almost like traveling with diaper bags and infant accoutrements in complexity, but at least I don't have to carry anybody or their luggage. But I'll still probably have to deal with whining. Wait, am I whining now? How ironic!

I miss you all, and although I miss us all getting together, I also had the most relaxed Christmas season ever. I only shopped for the kids (not counting the chocolates for people at work), I'm not cooking for a crowd, and the kids are old enough to handle their own wrapping. I'm more concerned about us getting this trip done without mishap. At least it looks like the weather will cooperate. Got multiple digits crossed! I hope we all have a great 2008 whether or not we eat pork for New Year's or burn bayberry candles for Christmas. Love to all!

smells good

Well, I have finally cooled down somewhat from the last post. Even if girl brings her grade up for the 4th marking period and gets a passing grade, she will probably have accumulated too many absences to get credit. She will just have to find a way to deal with that - summer class, repeat in fall. I didn't want to bring up the late homework right away since the teacher told me that she had asked her not to tell me (which teacher did anyway) and I didn't want to have her get mad at teacher on top of everything else. When I finally asked her what happened, she said she had it done but didn't think it was good and didn't want to hand it in until it was better. Unbelieveable. How can you be a senior and not understand that the due date is as important as the content? And will be for the rest of your life. She still says she's applying to colleges. Good luck with that. I have known people who started late, like second semester freshman year, due to having to make up classes. We'll see - art colleges don't seem to be very picky about grades but they do probably want you to have a high school diploma. She says the local community college also has a good art program. Might end up the only option.

She has been sick - Friday was the last half-day of school before the break, but she was throwing up with, um, other end issues, so she stayed home. I called the pediatrician for any advice and to get an official excuse note, and they said it was a virus going around. The nurse on the phone advised Gatorade, but not plain water because "it's heavy", and not tea with sugar, because "Gatorade uses a different kind of sugar". Uh huh. Girl slept most of the day and part of the next day and was still nauseous during the night, although she managed to keep down what little she ate. I just tried to keep her hydrated and fed as much as she could stand. Boy has a cold, and I wash my hands a lot. I'd rather not take any cooties down to Florida with us. I finally made all the arrangements - plane, car, parking, and kid next door to feed the cats. Now I just have to get us all packed, trying to balance not forgetting anything necessary and keeping the TSA happy.

Oh yeah, the title. I have spaghetti sauce simmering - tomato puree with added water, salt, sliced garlic, and basil, with several hours cooking to get it back down to the original consistency of the puree before the water went in. During the summer I washed, dried, and froze whole basil leaves, and I can grab a handful and just crumble them into the sauce if I don't let them thaw. I cooked and mashed potatoes a few days ago and intend to make potato gnocchi with gluten-free flour today. Any sauce left will go for a Christmas lasagna.

After we open gifts ex will pick up kids to visit his parents. His mother is not well - she is in the hospital but should be home for Christmas. She has fallen several times and broken an arm and most of her ribs cumulatively, and also appears to have at least some dementia - she makes comments that are completely out of left field, talked about visiting her father (who died years ago) and doesn't make much sense. His father won't discuss any options like moving or getting help. They are nice people, but I am glad this will not be my issue. I will do whatever I need to for my own parents, but I'm not generous and caring and selfless and Mother Teresa enough to deal with it for people I don't particularly like. So I'm a bad person. But I will magnanimously invite ex to share lasagna.

I'm working on getting estimates to shore up the sagging beams under the house. Ballpark from one guy was "two digits in front of the comma - hopefully starting with a 1". Maybe I should just pay for it out of savings so when it's time to look for financial aid for schools I have less to contribute. Most of my savings was classified as "college funds" in the divorce settlement so I didn't have to give him half and not necessarily see it go for college, so I am supposed to check with him before spending it, but he didn't have a problem with that. I think he prefers that I deal with all the financial stuff. He was relieved that I will once again do the taxes (still married filing jointly, one last time). Hooray for Turbo Tax. I had a chuckle to myself the other day thinking how I lost 240 pounds of ugly fat this year. Hee hee hee.

By the way, I enjoy all your blogs. My kids don't do many cute things anymore, as you can see above, so this is more my place to vent and share with all siblings at once. I might turn my original one into a PG version and let mom and dad see that one. Maybe. In the meantime, enjoy your little guys while they are too young to ask about Jamie Lynn Spears and hide Playboy magazines in their room.

I give up

I really feel like I've been pushing a rock uphill that slides back down every time I stop. I get an e-mail from daughter's English teacher yesterday. The big project, the rough draft of the term paper that I grounded her for so that she would do the work, and which she appeared to actually be working on, was never handed in. I don't understand it. I saw the work on her computer, we discussed the actual content of it, she gave me progress reports. Told me she e-mailed it to teacher and had an extra copy on her memory stick in case it didn't get through. I think she actually put the work into it, so what the hell happened? How could she do this to herself? What goes through her mind? Every time I try to cut her some slack, give her some respect, and not demand to actually see her homework, she takes advantage of that. I am such a chump. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe what she says, but again and again I find out that I've been lied to. I talked to her about learning to get herself up in the morning a while back, and she tried, but soon stopped or stopped hearing the alarm. So she ends up late for class, and has accumulated enough of these to get no credit for the class. We went through the same thing last year, and she barely scraped by with that one. I don't think there's anything more I can do about that this time, and I really don't care at this point. She might fail this class or not get credit for it, in which case she won't graduate this June. She claims she is doing fine (she doesn't know that I know what I know), and if not she'll make it up in some summer class. Good luck if she can. I talked to her last night - what does she want and how is she going to get it? She thinks she will graduate and wants to apply to 7 colleges. Why bother, I asked? Your grades aren't going to allow it. She has been told by "many people" that she could get in to these art schools on the strength of her art work (many only need a C average and no SAT). I told her at 17 she needs to take all the responsibility for what happens next and that if she's not a full time student she can't be on my insurance for health or car (I think that's true). Is she trying to fail so I'll let her drop out? Not going to happen. Indignant denial. She thinks everything will turn out fine. I hope so, but I'm done pushing. I guess I have been much too easy on her for longer than I should have. I am angry, I feel used and taken advantage of. This morning she got herself up much earlier than usual and made herself a cup of tea. Something got through, at least temporarily. But I think this English class is still fucked.

Went to Boy's chorus concert at the middle school last night. Not bad, but that auditorium has the world's most uncomfortable seats. At least this year's teacher taught the kids some harmony, and a few kids actually played piano. It has always been adults in the past. Caught Boy yawning in the middle of a song, hee hee. His voice has lowered and it cracked as I talked to him on the phone after school today. Stop making fun of me, mom! Of course nearly-ex was there and had some questions about divorce settlement document, wanted reassurance that no matter how the lawyers worded it I wasn't planning to screw him for excess money. Ha. He's the one getting half my money, and he's worried because his lawyer interpreted the paragraph about my stock options (pitiful as they are) as him having to pay half if I cash them in. My lawyer interpreted the same thing as him having to pay half the tax on the proceeds, but that didn't make sense to me. Either way he's not going to ask for the money (earmarked for college) and I'm not going to ask him to pay anything when/if I cash them in. I hoped I could find a graceful way to not sit with him, but he followed me in and I'm too polite to tell him to bugger off. Afterwards he took Boy out for a burger, then dropped him off with a Christmas present for me. WTF! I have no intention of getting him anything - I have resented it for years, considering how much stuff he already had. Idiot. He thinks we're still friends but I would be delighted never to see him again. While the kids are still minors I will be polite to him, but I'm so glad he's out of the house.

Speaking of the house, I am getting estimates for having the support beams shored up and maybe waterproofing done so I can sell this pile of crap. Had to shut teenager cat in my room to keep him from joining the contractor under the house. It's not easy finding someone who can do this without recommendations. I found a few on the web and arranged to have them check things out, but I wish I knew someone local. I suppose when I decide to have the work done I'll need to learn about permits and how to acquire them. Gotta keep all the receipts - when the house sells I get all that paid back before we split the rest.

I arted! I haven't done any drawing or painting for a long time, but I made a picture for my boss - I drew her with crow quill and India ink as an 8-armed Indian goddess, but carrying lab equipment in all hands and riding a giant white mouse, then painted it. It turned out great, and it turned out I based it on one of her favorite goddesses, Durga, who give strength to women but rides a tiger instead of a Balb/C lab mouse with pink eyes. The whole time I was working with the ink and paint the small beast was vying for my attention - climbing on the dollhouse roof, rattling papers, sitting in front of the TV, then purring like thunder when I picked him up to throw him out of the room.

Sorry to whine like this, but I have been fuming since yesterday over that e-mail. That's not even half of what was in it, but that's for another day. Gotta go out for groceries now - I love having a weekday to do it. No crowds.

Noooo, not milk too!

Just for the record, Mother Nature is a sadistic cow. Milk intolerance seems to have snuck up on me and intensified in the last few months. My mouth really enjoyed the chicken paprikash full of sour cream tonight. My stomach not so much. Had I known, I would have stocked up on Lactaid pills while I still could get it from the J&J company store. This is so unfair. Well, I can still do 6 of the 8 major allergens. Why couldn't it be broccoli instead of wheat and milk? At least I can still handle cheese and yogurt. It would be too ironic to finally find a decent pizza crust recipe and now lose the cheese!

Hey, is Dad going to be 75 next year? Should we plan something? Start saving for plane tickets?

Mundane it is

I'm trying this spot out for my brain droppings, since I couldn't get feedback on the other. Still trying to figure out how to upload pictures, etc. Let me know how you like it!

Rainy and cold and icky (a classic meteoroligical term), but yesterday morning was full of glorious sunshine so I went out and finished the last of the raking. As I threw a few remaining non-essential or redundant items out of the shed and gazed upon the peg board in my back room, I reveled in the feeling that everything was exactly the way I wanted it to be. These were MY tools, arranged the way I want them. They should stay where I put them and not end up damaged or lost unless the kids become unusually ambitious. It felt great. Some people are meant to always seek out and cleave to others, but some of us are happy with just ourselves. I hate compromising and sharing. Maybe it's because there was no reciprocity - I did all the compromising and still had to struggle to keep things the way I wanted. It's such a simple thing, but I'm so happy every time I look in my refrigerator and there is actually room for everything I want in there because all the drink bottles and pickle jars and hot sauce and peppers and miscellaneous things sampled once and then forgotten are gone. Is it asking too much to come home with a cabbage and not have to struggle to find space for it?

As usual I spend lots of my free time cooking. Just finished a gluten-free batch of "Chex" mix and am fighting with myself to not eat the whole thing at once. I made GF banana bread (not that good, but edible), GF corn muffins (good, in the freezer now), and right now there's a pot on the stove full of chicken butt and onions. Two leg quarters, actually, with tail still attached (ergo chicken butt), a quartered onion and the limp remains of the celery, simmering for paprikash tonight. I'll strain the broth, add sour cream with GF flour to thicken it, add back the meat, and serve it over rice. Last week I made beef stew in the crockpot and it was great - the chunks of miscellaneous beef actually got really tender. I took my last vacation day Friday, so this 3-day weekend has been lovely. It's odd to have lots of time to myself - it feels kind of like pre-kid days, even high school or college. I finally have lots of time for hobbies and just reading. Boy goes off to his dad's (or rather to his 3rd parent, the library), girl goes to work or out with friends, and I get to hang with the cats. And cook. My boss is encouraging me in stong terms to take this Thursday and Friday off, off the books, and I think I will. She won't be there, most other people won't either, and I think I'll run out of work by then since a lot of my projects are shut down until January.

I had an inspection of the crawlspace under the house to see what repairs need to be made. No imminent danger of the house falling into the crawlspace, fortunately, but I definitely need to get it shored up before I could even think of selling. I have been filling out applications for boy for private schools - now I just need to do the parent pages and have him do his (ironic since he hates essay questions). The ex whined "how are we going to pay for this?" but I'll fill in all the financial aid forms and we'll see. IF he gets in, we'll figure it out. If it won't work, he can stay where he is. The schools seem to be looking for kids who not only have good grades, but are active in lots of community and extracurricular stuff, which he is not, so we'll see. He's too much like me - perfectly content alone, doesn't seek people out, prefers non-team activities. I think we both have Asperger's and ADD.

Girl claims she's working on college applications. I hope so, although I'm not sure she has much chance or will succeed if she gets there, considering her work ethic now. She would also be content going to community college (why bother?) and apprenticing with a tattoo artist. She suggested that in the future she and her boyfriend would like to move in together, and I pointed out that although I could not stop her, I advised her that if she isn't in school, I won't be able to pay for car or health insurance anymore. Neither one of them have jobs or skills. Considering that she'll be 18 this fall we will have to figure out what she's going to do - work? School? Both? Living at home? Away somewhere? Cardboard box on the street? I'm still just hoping she gets through senior year.

Got my presents wrapped except for what hasn't come in yet. Amazon has been my main source this year - no driving, no crowds, and no shipping charges! Ex seems to have taken all the stockings, so I got some small ones yesterday and have to embroider some names on. It will be a modest Christmas in this house, but I think they are both fine with that. Ooh, I hear the Grinch song! Boy just turned on the tube. You rock, Thurl Ravenscroft! He took the Who pudding! He took the roast beast! I even have a copy of Mr. Magoo's Christmas special. Remember that? I'm seeing commercials for George of the Jungle's Christmas, but it's new animation and doesn't look anything like the old ones. Sacrelige! Stupid ex apparently also took the CD of Vince Guaraldi's Charlie Brown Christmas. I think I can survive that.

I hear more fake chex mix calling....