Wow, a lot has happened since that last post in January. Things were even worse with the girl than I knew or expected, and there was a huge amount of drama. The last I saw of her was June 26th, when she tricked me into turning my back, stole my wallet for the second time, and ran out the door into the waiting car her junkie friend was driving. Since then, no contact, and I gradually ceased to care. This may be a bad way for a mother to look at her child, but I think I did everything I could. I bailed her out, I paid fines, I provided a car and insurance, I took her to the doctor when requested, I offered advice (never taken), I offered shelter, I moved her out of her shithole apartment when she was evicted, I provided way too much money, and I trusted far more than I should have. I lost money, jewelry, time, almost lost my auto insurance, and got nothing, absolutely nothing in return. Other than acting as host to her parasite, nothing I did mattered to her. But we're talking about a person who burned the word "HATE" into her arm in 2 inch letters and sold her brother's video games for cash to feed her habit. A person who never knew or cared what time or what day it was and no concept of "on time". A person who had total indifference to the pain she might cause someone else. A perfect sociopath.
She moved on, defriending all family members and making no effort to be in touch. At least she's not using my car to do it, although I still have to carry her on my insurance. She is 21, and I will not be responsible for her any more, her choice and mine. Although I still get reminded of things she did that made me confused or angry and have to deal with that. Specific events or instances of lying or items that I no longer have because she stole and sold them. Many, many stories, but I will not cover them now. I copied most of the e-mails about her to a Word document and it took about 65 pages to cover a few months.
I think I'm in a better head space than I was then. I no longer have two very significant sources of stress: Ex, and girl. I'm gradually redoing all the parts of the house that were not tended for a long time. Bathroom is better (although I'm not happy with the contractors and all of their work). Just finished painting walls in girl's room. I spent weeks packing up and weeding out her things - boxes and boxes of clothes, most I never saw her wear. Huge quantities of jewelry making supplies. Lots and lots of bulky yarn. I can't imagine she could have made enough money, given how few jobs she could hold onto, to pay for this, so I have to assume there was a lot of shoplifting going on. It's mostly gone now, to Goodwill, the library, neighbors and friends.
I have moved outside my comfort zone in social areas. I now teach crocheting at JoAnn's, knitting and crocheting (for free!) at the library (where I have a small circle of regulars), and how to be gluten-free for beginners. I still have the problem of not remembering anybody's name, which is kind of rude for a teacher, but I tell everybody that I have a brain deficiency in that area and they seem to accept it. I take classes at the community college, and other students seek me out to talk to me, even though my first impulse in any social situation is to isolate myself. They ignored any such signals I gave off and talk to me because they want to, which I always find surprising. I find I have a knack for teaching people who want to learn. Who knew?
I'll try to keep this up, not because anybody cares, but because sometimes I want to document things. It's good discipline and practice. More later. Now I have to clean the house before the parents come.
