I'm back. I was pretty busy for a while. For the last few weeks of school there was always a concert or rehearsal or appointment of some sort and my head was busy keeping track of it all, but it's finally all done.
Got one successfully graduated from high school, one from 8th grade to 9th, but it was squeakers with both of them. Between cutting classes and illnesses, both of them needed myriad doctor's notes, then there were the faxed notes at the last minute that didn't go through, went through too dark to read, etc, etc, one thing after another. We would just get caught up when someone would get sick again and it would start over. Not to mention missed homework from all those days out that didn't get made up - fortunately for the boy, some teachers cut him some breaks so he didn't fail classes (how ironic). It was touch and go down to the very last days of school, and even at graduation I was waiting for her to have flipped a teacher off and gotten pulled out of it at the last minute. Graduations from both vo-tech and the high school were hot, noisy affairs. Her father was there, but couldn't make himself stay and watch the whole thing of either one because it was too hot for someone of his blubber content. I was there for everything, arranged all the excuse notes, spoke with teachers and guidance counselors and nurses and any teachers who had a problem with either child. I bought flowers for the graduate and made food and invited ignorant hick in-laws to celebrate and even cleaned my house. And do you know, I wanted to cry each time because she was a crappy student who didn't care about school and hated it and I felt like an awful parent. I felt like I had failed for not somehow passing on the desire to learn, the need to complete assignments, the urge to participate in school activities. She wanted none of that. She wanted to do as little as possible to get by, she hated the kids at school, she hated all the rules and schedules. I still feel like a failure because I couldn't get her to do better, yet from the time she was tiny she had an utter disregard for any and all rules and I could never maker her see things my way. I have so many regrets, yet I don't think she would have done any different no matter what I would have done. But it still makes me want to cry.
I have been working on fixing up what needs fixing around the house. Got the back room redone - not upgraded, just repaired to decency. New siding and paneling, doors and windows, etc. The old shed is gone with all its rust, and I put together a new Rubbermaid shed almost entirely by myself. Got the kids to help get the roof top in place, then managed all the other two-person jobs myself. Started hacking through the jungle that I couldn't get to behind the old shed, took out scraps of fence that had been put there years ago to contain the dog and were now held together mainly by vines. Found that nothing can kill forsythia, so all the stuff we cut out is back and will be a nuisance forever. If I had known, I would never have put it there. Got a really dead tree and a mostly dead tree (which probably started dying when butt-head cut off a big branch years ago without consulting me) which could probably drop limbs on heads, so getting estimates to cut those down. I found a roll of our kitchen wallpaper so I can cover over the evidence of the cracks in the walls. They appeared a few years back but have been stable since. Problem is, they really show up under wallpaper. If I ever sell this house (not likely in this market) I'd rather not have cracked wallpaper. I'm thinking now of giving ex his share of the house as cash and not selling it. It's not bad with him out and repairs done.
The picture above is another monster loaf of gluten-free bread. It's the same recipe I usually make for crumbs (sucks for slicing), but I added one additional half-teaspoon of xanthan gum. And I only used 1t of yeast, not the 2-1/4 called for. After 10 minutes in the oven it had risen like a Macy's float to double the normal size. This is how it looked out of the pan and on its side. When I pulled the top half off, both halves were hollow like cream puffs - like bread shoes. Could have worn them like sabots. Now it is a bag of dry chips, having been torn apart and dried. I never know what to expect with these breads, but this one is usually pretty reliable. Weird.
The boy has not thrown up for over a week now. We're still trying to figure out what causes it, but I hope it's not something like school-related stress. I don't believe he's lying about barfing to get out of school - I'm not usually there to see him vomit, but I don't think he could fake the nausea I do see. I don't know what to think anymore. He has an endoscopy scheduled at CHOP, so we'll see what that turns up. I'll be thrilled if he doesn't throw up this summer, but if it starts again in fall I'm going to be really annoyed, legitimate illness or not.
Thank goodness things have slowed down. I still have appointments to leave work for (endoscopy, orthodontist, gyno for girl), but not as many other things. I'm working on the legal documents to have my 401k and pension split with butt-head. Turns out I have to have them signed by a judge and officially stamped by the court clerk. What? How come nobody told me this in time to have it done at the same time as the divorce??? At least J&J supplies the forms so I don't have to pay for that, but I still gotta figure out how to schedule a judge. One option, after specifying the date to use for the 401k value, was to have that value adjusted by all the gains and losses that occurred since, which is good, because it has lost a lot and if I gave him half as of last year, that would leave me with less than half of what it has now. And he doesn't deserve that. And I liked the pension options. If I die before I retire, should he get his half? Heck no! And if I die before him, should he keep getting it? No ma'am! And if he retires before me, should he get his half then or wait until I retire? Wait, you dog. You don't get it unless I'm getting my share. Insert maniacal laughter and hand-rubbing here.
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